Thursday, October 27, 2011

dear . . .

dear today: you are not my favorite. i'm expecting better tomorrow. consider yourself informed.

dear wendy's chili: you are delicious.

dear girl in my masterpieces of english literature class that meets once a week who asked if we were supposed to read anything for this week's class: yes, you moron. you were supposed to read something. consider it a given that you should be reading something for every single class. it is a literature class, after all. what did you think you would be doing? perhaps you should consult your syllabus. you know. that thing we've gone over in class, like, four times. if you are confused about what a syllabus is, or how to use one, you should seriously consider dropping out. anyone who gives you a degree should be shot.

dear eighties music: thank you for bringing back amazing memories and dragging me out of a bad mood. bff

dear butterfingers: i forgot how scrumptious you are. stop it. stop it now.

dear 8.5 exercise miles i walked this week: i have a butterfinger with your name all over it.

dear crazy people in the greater fresno area: please feel free to not call or stop by our office. i'm pretty sure we've reached our quota for the week month year and we have other things to get done. we can only be around to solve your imaginary problems if we get to work on the things that make us money at some point.

dear weekend: thank you for holding the promise of good times. you can't come fast enough.

as always,